Satisfaction

“I’ve never had an orgasm.”

This was the sentence uttered by a close friend of mine during one of our drink-till-you-almost-drop evenings six years ago. I honestly can’t remember most of what she said in the minute – possibly two – that followed because I was dumfounded by this revelation, mainly because she had been in a committed relationship with the same man for almost six years and they were talking about marriage. She proceeded to disclose that while she loved her partner and the time they spent together; he didn’t really know her body.

When my brain came back to reality, I managed to ask how this was possible given I knew they often went at it like rabbits. How could one have intimate, consensual intercourse for days, weeks, months and years without experiencing the ultimate pleasure that was meant to come with it, and then want to make a lifelong commitment to that way of life?

I then hit her with a question she had clearly never been asked before: “Have you ever told him what works for you?”

It was in that moment that she realised it took two to tango, and I realised that sometimes, with great love comes even greater fake orgasms. But my friend’s confusion uncovered an even deeper truth – even she didn’t know what worked for her.

This exchange forced me to take a good look at the women around me – Uganda’s conservative abstinence-only approach towards sex education does not match reality, leaving many people to use movies as their templates for sex. The females in such movies – pornographic or otherwise – almost always have effortless, explosive orgasms during penetrative sex, yet according to sexologist Emily Morse, only 15-30% of women are able to climax from penetration alone, compared to over 90% of men. And sex toy manufacturer Lelo reported that only 40-60% of women masturbate, compared to 95-99% of their men. The orgasm gap is real!

My discussions with several female friends and acquaintances about their sexual experiences since that eye-opening evening led to the birth of ‘Satisfaction’. This short film focuses on two key pieces of the satisfaction puzzle – self-pleasure and communication. Masturbation teaches women about their bodies, but it’s also important for them to share their wants and needs with their partners (who aren’t mind readers).

2019 saw an increase in research studies on women’s orgasms and thankfully, it’s not all doom and gloom. According to Psychology Today, when women prioritise their sexual pleasure and avoid trying to simply appease their partner, it may increase their orgasm capacity and ultimately decrease the orgasm gap.

I was fortunate that my first sexual partner stressed the importance of finding my own sexual voice and advocating for my pleasure, something that has stayed with me ever since. My hope is that ‘Satisfaction’ vocalises the often unseen and unheard sexual desires of women – particularly Ugandan/African women – which don’t have to be tied to their marriage and reproductive responsibilities.